i got my navel pierced!!!!! i was lying there, waiting for the ultimate pain to come. but before i knew it, " there u go, it's done. "

"huh?" hahaha..................

had lunch at Ding Tai Fung with Lynn, we went to the Wisma branch. WTH!!! they dun serve our fav "red bean dumpling"....... sob sob.

saw Des' fren at Momo tat nite.

i was affected.



somehow, i cant seem to enjoy my past few drinking nites. it had got nothing to do with the company. the company was great.
mayb it's becoz i m too used to sleeping early. or mayb it comes with the age. or mayb it's becoz i cant make it thru the nite w/o thinking of them.................

i felt more n more insecure as the nite went on. it's like i needed my room badly. i juz wan to be home, where i can cry myself to slp. i dun wan to shed my tears outside, i dun wan to break down. Coz i noe i will lose control of myself once my tears start to flow.



如果可以让你预先知道结局会是这样，知道自己最终会如此的痛苦。你还会走同样的路吗？

我想我会。因为我宁愿痛苦，也不愿失去那些回忆。

i cant pretend tat nothing has happen.... i cant ask him, " hey, where's .......? "

i still miss u...... a lot

The Da Vinci Code

the movie will be here in May.

*panicking*

who's gonna watch the movie with me? i have been looking forward to it since the start of tis yr. i wan the movie date to be special. i wan it to be a date.

A DATE.

eh, Lee....... how's abt doing the Moby's Valentines date thingy???? hahahaaa.

{ looking for " DaVinci Code movie date with my best fren " }

think i muz be going crazy, dun mind me.

Perhaps Love

I can't remember exactly when it was
That my mind began to fill up with thoughts of you.
It all began with just one or two thoughts,
But as each day went by,
there were more,
and I am confused.

I keep telling you that it’s nothing important
But even that feels awkward.
Is this love?
Do you feel the same?
My heart keeps telling me that I’m in love with you.
My heart is shouting to the world that I’m in love with you.
Why have I only heard it now?
The voice keeps telling me that I have finally found love.

I want to tell you how I feel,
But you can probably feel the way I feel.
I am already a part of you as you are a part of me.
We may have already become a part of each other.
Is this love?
Do you feel the same?
My heart keeps telling me that I’m in love with you.
My heart is shouting to the world that I’m in love with you.
Why have I only heard it now?
The voice keeps telling me that I have finally found love.

When I think back,
There were so many moments
When I felt my heart was about to burst.
It's a little late, but I’ll try my best.
I want to be with you.

I only want us to share good memories
Please don’t leave me
I don't want us to be apart, even for a moment.
I love you so much.


------------------------------------------------------------------

yun's favourite korean song

look at the lyrics



ouch......

Horoscope for the day:

Hold back on expanding your scope right now. Keep things close to your chest.
You are no shrinking violet. No, not you. On the contrary, you're more like a Venus flytrap -- you know what you want, and when it buzzes over your way, you snap it up! Then you do what you will with it. These days you are snapping up what you want all over the place. There's just about nothing that's going to fly out of your grasp. So be sure to make the most of your increased boldness!

要敢于追求自己的幸福，因为没有人会比你更了解自己要的是什么。

敢爱敢恨。 拿得起，就要放得下。

放手也许会让自己痛苦。但是如果真的深爱对方，你的祝福也许就是他最大的幸福。

有很多东西都由不得你我说要还是不要。能改变的事，就尝试去改变吧。

damn, the "battle" has begun......=
(quoted fr Lynn)

u shld c tat smile u brought to my face with that "gd luck" msg of urs.....

好吧，我会加油的！！！

我们大家一起加油吧！！！！

my world crashed when i was dismissed from Ngee Ann Polytechnic 3 yrs back. i was such a disappointment to my parents.

i thought i can make them proud this time.

DEAD

Memory

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile happy your days ( i can dream of the old days)
Life was beautiful then
I remember the time i knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Every street lamp seems to beat
A fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the street lamp gutters
And soon it will be morning


Daylight
must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And i mustn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The still cold smell of morning
A street lamp dies ,another night is over
Another day is dawning
Touch me,
It is so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me,
You'll understand what happiness is

Look, a new day has begun...

fuck.

i m not goin to make it this time.

i m breaking down.

i m losing it.

时间也许可以冲淡一切，但有时距离只会让人更加牵挂。

quote from Kenny Sia's blog.

Lately, a lot of my pals are experiencing relationship woes. Whatever
happened
to good ol'-fashioned boy meets girl, boy falls in love
with girl, boy marries
girl? Nowadays everything becomes
complicated with affairs, pregnancy, lies and
deceit. I just felt
helpless
when I wasn't able to help them out of their
unenviable
predicament.

boy meets girl? boy marries girl?? 我不相信这套了。

“ 他是很爱你的，已经不容易找到一个那么爱自己的人了。”

我知道。

I m sorry.

how i wish things can be as simple as before but i m no longer that girl u used to noe.

对不起，我又伤害了你。 很多东西失去了，就是失去了。不可能再重来。


i juz want all these to be OVER, get it over n done with.

ONE

我一直梦寐以求的日子
在不觉中感到双手被你握紧
因为相隔遥远而未敢开口
不懂那颗已无法掩盖的心

你究竟怀着怎样的心情
在你眼中那光明的未来也会有我吗
我应该继续生活下去
谢谢你
因为你我还拥有其它的一切

Someday I’ll lay my love on you.
Baby I don’t wanna lose it now.
Just one
只有你

就如同我们初次邂逅的时候
我活着的所有理由

为了你 为了你的心

你可明白
已流逝的时光对我说
这份爱究竟到何时才能永恒

过了一天又一天
你能否一直等我
请让我对你的爱继续下去

无论是天涯还是海角
有你陪伴就是永恒

Just one 只有你

我这一生仅此一次的爱恋
只属于你
我知道 我相信

永远

你是怎样在人群中找寻到我
我现在就想马上飞到你的身边

I pray for this love to be true.
无论这世上任何地方
miss you, my baby you.

请再多留在我身边一些时间
即使过完这些时光
还要继续

像谎言般变质的日子
Someday I’ll lay my love on you.
Baby I don’t wanna lose it now.

Just one 只有你

就如同我们初次邂逅的时候
我活着的所有理由都只
为了你
为了你的心

你是知道的

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

yes! yes! yes! i love this song!!!!!

别忘记 - -

带一点信心和运气


我们一起加油吧！！！跟它拼了！！！！！

10 Things to do after my exams!!!!!!!!!!

1. visit him
2. pamper myself ( tons of me-me time session, get a hair cut, manicure etc )
3. go sun-tanning ( my tan line totally gone )
4. go shopping ( lots of stuff i wan to get )
5. get my navel pierced
6. get a job ( work " there " also not bad hor, can C "Nick Tse" *evil grin* )
7. excursion to Wen's place ( to c Benny n watch Jurassic Park )
8. wait for Lee to finish her exams ( we can go explore MOS together!!! )
9. lose more weight
10. clubbing! clubbing! and more clubbing!!!!!

P.S. : one more item to add----- dancing class with lynn!!! ( Yw still wan learn hiphop ma??? )

" it's time to move on with life...... "

i had gained 3 kgs after tat two tramatising events tat happened on the same day. (Desmond's death n realising M's married)

i had to occupy my time to stop myself fr thinkin and the only thing i can do anytime anywhere is to eat. 我一直吃，一直吃。不行，再下去就要成为大胖子了。

missions to accomplish:

• lose tat 3 kgs
• pass my exams

" 我希望看见你成为老师的那一天 "

i will make it happen....................

overdue clubbing pics (24/02/06)

wanted to follow Desmond's footsteps tat day. intended to go Orchard Paragon's Sushi Teh ( he worked at Paragon Polo Rauph ), but ended up at Serangoon Garden's.

went Dbl O after tat (the place i last saw him, the place i celebrated my 22nd bd with him n company)

messy nite

Horoscope for the day:

Perk up and pay attention -- things are easing up and you'll have lots of free time.
You might spend the morning accepting things as they are. Then you could spend your lunch hour imagining things as you would like them to be. Then, for a finale to your day, you might spend time in late afternoon and early evening making things the way you want them to be. It's going to take a lot of work, but when you start to see the first few results of your efforts, you'll know it was worth every drop of energy.



hmmm, it is referring to my studies or .......................... ??????

Dinner (aka early supper ) at No Signboard Restaurant

had 2 rounds of dinner ytd!!! the 2nd round was at No SignBoard Restuarant. last min decision to meet them for another round of dinner.

my first time there

of coz we ordered CHILLI CRAB!!!!

the food tasted great??? or maybe it's juz because we ( shld be they ) were hungry, that's y all the food went down our stomach.

after that we went Mount Faber to chill for a short while.

yes, i said i was trying to take pics of our drinks. but how can i miss the chance of taking candid shots like those 2 below??? hahaha, can anyone make out who tat is in the background??

these were our drinks. i had Governor's smile (the orange coloured drink), the pinkish coloured drink is called Shirley temple n the greenish one is called Kiwi blended.

the nite ended with the " driver's " car breaking down. it was quite amusing to c the guys trying to "fix" the car. my once in a lifetime experience. it took them abt an hr before they decided to push the vehicle to the nearest car park and den took cab home.

quote from "the driver" ----

" what an eventful nite. "

" Driver " : and u didn't get drunk today

Me : 没有喝酒的我是不是比较可爱？ 哈哈

" Driver " : * kept quiet *

reached home ard 2am, went to bed at 3am and i had the most wonderful dream ever. i dreamt of my 允浩。 we had ons and i got pregnant. he found out and decided to marry me!!! so sweet rite??? yun got to noe her 俊秀 through us in my dream, we even went out for double date!!!!

but in reality, they are already our bfs ma...... no need ONS one.

I Live My Life for You by Firehouse

You know you're everything to me
And I could never see,
the two of us apart
And you know I give myself to you
And no matter what you do,
I promise you my heart

I've built my world around you and I want you to know
I need you, like I've never needed anyone before

I live my life for You
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you

I dedicated my life to you
You know that I would die for you
But our love would last forever
And I will always be with you
And there is nothing we can't do
As long as we're together

I just can't live without you, and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before

Wow, yeah I live my life for you


( i love this song, thanks snoopy for providing the lyrics)

i went to visit him today. dad told me it's not easy to locate the exact location of where he is placed, he even asked me not to go if i m going alone. i nearly cried in his car. i was so worried. it was raining very heavily n i had to find him no matter wat.

" Des, pls let me find u. "

i was really lost at first, bo bian have to approach someone for directions. i found the place within 5 mins. " thanks Des. "

i really tried to hold back my tears, i was told not to cry before him.

i promised him i will never lie abt having a bf again.

i hate to leave but i really couldn't control my tears. i had to go.

Friday 03/02/2006 - the last time i saw u ( 那时，那个中国人问我：“美女是不是喜欢帅哥啊？” 我回答他说：“但是那位帅哥不喜欢我。”）

Friday 17/03/2006 - u left us
Friday 14/04/2006 - visited u

i m going to hate Fridays from now on........... everything's happening on fridays.

" 拿起比放下来得容易， 但如果抓得太辛苦，那就一定要放下 "

Des, 我终于知道你在那里。星期五，我去看你好吗？这两天，就让我好好地想你。过了 friday, 我会暂时把你放下，will study hard for my exams.

我知道再这样下去，也改变不了什么，一切已经成为事实了。到最后就只留下那些美好的回忆，虽然是短暂的，但我真的很开心。你曾在我的生命里，留下了脚印。

我不管那时你对我的感觉是什么，一切都不再重要了。

i will never forget ur touch, ur kisses, ur hugs, the way u called me "dear" tat day.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Horoscope for the day:

A lack of confidence threatens forward movement today. Don't let it hold you back.
So what's happening in your love life? Give it a little thought. What do you have? What do you want? While you're posing your most innermost of innermost selves these questions, you might notice something. Maybe it's the spring sun shining through the spring storm clouds. Maybe it's beaming down on the itsy bitsy flowers poking their heads out of the earth. Maybe it's a scent in the air. Whatever tips you off, your hunch is right: It's a time for new beginnings.

wah......... 真的吗？？？

" wat have u learn fr all ur past r/ships??? Fr Jason to T to S to J and den now??? "

yes, i did learn something. i realised he had been there all these while.



u r leaving on friday?? where r u going?? r u going to Heaven?? will u ever be back to c us?? i guess i m not impt enuff for u to realise i m still waiting for my turn.

do u noe where i stay??? u had been here once.

wat can i do to c u again???

is this my retribution?

我真的好想再见你一面，真的好想。Desmond, 我好怕。我好怕你真的不会让我再见到你。

i found ur gf's blog......... 相比之下，我好渺小好渺小。我的痛，怎么可以和她比呢？

我是谁？我谁都不是。我怎么有资格难过？ 我有什么资格难过？？？ 我有什么资格难过？？ 我有什么资格难过？？ 我有什么资格难过？？ 我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？我有什么资格难过？？

我有什么资格难过？？

maybe i should stop reading ur buddy, Jerlyn's blog.
she dreamt of u twice. i know she's very close to u but i cant stop my tears after knowing she had dreamt of u twice.

even Lee had dreamt of u once.

我会耐心地等。

我记得你曾为了她和Stanley 骂我。那个时候，我真的不知道和我说话的是她。对不起。

你也曾为了Step 那件事骂我，我真的没有骗你。我真的没和她乱说话。

你能听得见我想对你说的话吗？Desmond, 我好想你。

i wan my wedding banquet, i wan my wedding gown, i wan my wedding album.

i m tired of guys telling me " i wan my wedding to be simple, rather spend the money on honeymoon. "

No!!! i rather spend the money on the banquet! i dun care.... Hotel Intercontinental is not gd enuff.... i wan my banquet to be held at Fullerton Hotel.

dun get mistaken, no one has proposed to me. neither m i attached at this moment.
in fact, the idea of getting married is drifting further n further away from me.

Mum's colleague's dad : " why u dun wan get married? "

Mum's colleague : " get married for wat?? wait for divorce ah?? "

haiz.....

一见钟情

也许我可以用一种最温柔的想像
让自己不再忧伤
因为有你最真实的目光给我方向
让真心不再逃亡

靠在你的臂弯
感觉你的胸膛
天堂就在不远的地方

一见钟情不隐藏
两颗心才不孤单
三生三世也不会觉得漫长

一见钟情不隐藏
两颗心才不孤单
三生三世我都会守在有你的地方

我真的很喜欢能够赖在你的身旁
让自己不再躲藏
在每个有风的夜晚贴近你的心房
让一切变得简单

靠在你的臂弯
感觉你的胸膛
梦想就在不远的地方

i hurt my funny bone ( tat's the name of tat bone rite? ) it's tat small piece of bone at our butt area. anyway, i fell down and tat part got hurt. nw, i have problems getting up and sitting down.

haiz..............

totally lost control of myself.


Lee thinks tat i shld seek professional help to deal with the lost. i m fine.
REALLY.

it's juz tat i cant handle anymore surprises. i dun wan to do anything silly. i dun wan to do anything tat will hurt my parents' feelings.

i will be strong, for them. i will move on, for them.

我不知道你是否听得见，但是我一定会好好地活下去。

对不起。让我再说一次爱你好吗？


P.S : ppl can use " I is ", so i used " I hurted lo "

允浩是可爱的帅。 Xiah is 傻傻的帅。
Max 是聪明的帅。

Hero 是清秀的帅。






this is Micky, another bf of mine... he's also from 东方神起。。。。。 Micky 是 charming 的帅。



may i present to the whole world----------this is 东方神起 from Korea!


Xiah's taken, he belongs to Yun!!!! and they r very 幸福, like me. guess i m a bit flirt coz both Micky n 允浩 are mine!!!! only left Hero and Max are unattached.... hoping to intro them to Lynn and W en..... but i doubt they will be interested. coz Wen's very 幸福 with Hwanhee and Lynn's very 幸福 with Tony.

我很想你，你在那里？

another test's over..... 我又可以专心难过了。

不是我不愿放下，而是我真的放不下。每当我一想起他，我的心就痛。但我实在没有能力阻止自己想他。我每天都逼自己睡觉，我睡了好多好多。目的就是希望能够梦见他。




今天是书川的生日，

生日快乐！

i know i had never been a part of ur life or even gotten really close to u. but all these while, u have never left my heart.

我看到你那些好友的blog entries, 我真的好难过。i never got to share those memories with u.

i hated myself so much for not attending ur funeral. i had been trying to tell myself tat u r not gone, pretended all these never happened. but the truth is, u r gone.

i dun even noe where ur ashes are place.

i cant see u at Dbl O, i cant see u at polo paragon. i dunno where to find u when i miss u.

will u ever appear in my dreams???? juz once???? pls???? i really miss u.................. how long do i have to wait b4 i get to c u in heaven again?

will i ever make it there????

Desmond, 我真的好想你。

Horoscope for the day:

Step back today -- you need to give your problems some air so they can breathe.
Pick up a tennis ball. If there aren't any tennis balls at hand, roll a towel or t-shirt into a tennis ball-esque shape. Tie it up with a rubber band, for a more realistic effect. If there's absolutely nothing nearby that can serve as a tennis ball ersatz, just visualize one. Okay, now take the ball/t-shirt with rubber band/visualized round object and hold it in your hand. Now squeeze. Harder! Even harder! Okay, keep squeezing! Until your fingers hurt! Yes! Now let go. Feels good, huh? Now practice letting go in other parts of your life, for the rest of the day.


so tis is a sign, asking me to let go??????????????

Lee : wat would u do if u really sway sway fail ur exams tis time??

Me : i will kill myself

Lee : dun even joke abt things like tat

Me : no, i wun kill myself. i have to die naturally, if not i wun be able to meet Desmond.

Lee : he will tell u "u r stupid" if u ever commit sucide

*thinking*

my thoughts : i will hug him n tell him how much i miss him.

how i wish i could go back to those times when things were so much simplier. or even back to the time where i almost wanted to marry him.


i m exhausted. my mind's totally drained up.


勇气

终于做了这个决定
别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定
我愿意天涯海角都随你去
我知道一切不容易
我的心一直温习说服自己
最怕你忽然说要放弃

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义

我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里
你的真心

如果我的坚强任性
会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒
我虽然心太急更害怕错过你

天涯海角， 我都愿意随你去。

我真的好想你。

你是不是对我太失望了？

had a very bad dream last nite, woke up crying.


went town alone juz now to get myself a top from mphosis. guess who i saw????

Wilson.

he was one of the guys i got to noe at Dbl O awhile back. ( along with M n L )

M turned out to be married. and this Wilson guy.... hahaha, i saw him with his gf. he was supposed to be unattached. WTH!!!!! wat's wrong with the guys??

i hoped there will not be any surprises from this grp of guys anymore. ( prob L is married and attached at the same time? ) hahahaha.........
* crossed my fingers *



disgusted. disappointed. damn.

thinking of u........

went Ekibar at holland v with Lee today....... 2 bttles of henekin for me. hehehe...Lee was bored with the place coz there's no songs to sing, no soccer match to watch, no cute guys to bio and she doesn't like the music. for once, i m ok with juz sitting down n do nothing. my mind's too occupied with sch, him and stuff.


" 我不要把你抱得太紧，舒服就好。
因为太紧你会喘不过气。"

为什么不让我在梦里见到你？

你在生我的气吗？

我真的好想你。。。。。。。好想你。

my newest beau...... 允浩 from 东方神起。 i muz really thank yun for introducing him to me....
我们很幸福，谢谢你。

lyrics fr the song 安静 ：
“ 我会学着放弃你，是因为我太爱你。”

me : “ 就是因为太爱他，所以才放弃不了。”

X : “ 有时太爱一个人，就要学会放手。”

真是这样吗？


也许学会放手也算是对自己的一种仁慈。

爱不是占有，而是成全。

“希望他是真的比我还要爱你，
我才会逼自己离开。”